


Summertime

by mystery_deer



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, love and all that that entails
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 06:43:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18823219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mystery_deer/pseuds/mystery_deer
Summary: Raymond Holt is devastated after his gambling addiction spirals out of control.





	Summertime

Raymond lay on a bench in the middle of the nearest park he could force himself to walk to. He felt ill, he felt like he was drowning. He’d lost everything.

Twenty Thousand Dollars.

It hadn’t even been his money to lose. His sister had lent to him when he said he’d be short on rent, that he needed it. He’d meant to use it practically, he hadn’t meant to lie to her.   
“Thank you.” He’d said, smiling, relieved. He’d been in the middle of driving home when he’d taken a detour, when he’d gotten out of the car.   
He was just going to watch...just going to bet a very small amount if anything. Just going to see the horses, see if any of them were even worth betting on. 

The rush of adrenaline as he slammed the twenty thousand down was almost as strong as the rush of despair that left him feeling hollowed out, empty as yabba dabba doo was shot dead in front of thousands.

Thousands.

How was he going to pay it back? How was he going to make rent on time? How was he going to explain this to anyone? He felt ill, he was ill. He knew that and it terrified him, he’d never felt so out of control before. 

He heard leaves being crushed underneath a passerby’s feet but paid it no mind, wrapped up in his own misery. He closed his eyes against the dying sunlight, it was bright but did nothing to warm him, it’s light sterile and gray. He was so weak, so pathetic-

“So this is where you went off to.” He opened his eyes to see Kevin staring down at him. His stomach twisted, God not him not now not here. “Raymond.” nothimnotnownothere. 

“How did you find me?”  
“I asked around and I know you. You once told me that going on walks in the park helped you think.” Raymond cradled his head in his hands and turned away from Kevin’s stare, from the disappointment that dripped from every word he spoke.

“I lost everything Kevin. I’m a fool.” he felt his eyes burn but he refused to let himself cry, he could not cry on a park bench in the middle of the day with his boyfriend peering down at him. “I know I said I would stop, that it wasn’t a problem but...but I can’t. I don’t understand why but I just..I can’t control myself.” Kevin gently tapped the wood of the bench and Raymond sat up for a moment to allow his husband to sit down. He set down his head to rest on Kevin’s legs without moving his hands away. Kevin sighed.

“Raymond, I love you dearly.” He dug his nails into his skin, here it was, here it was.

Raymond, I love you dearly  
But  
This is too much for me.  
But  
I can’t do this anymore.

“I understand.”  
“...What is it that you understand?”  
“You wish to leave me.” Kevin’s body tensed and he removed Raymond’s hands from his face, leaving them to stare into each other’s eyes. To their shock, both of their expressions were twisted in anguish.  
“I wish no such thing!” Kevin exclaimed, voice trembling slightly. “I would never- why would you say that?”  
“It is only natural for-”  
“There is nothing natural about it!” Raymond opened his mouth in order to object to being interrupted but he was silenced with salt on his tongue. Another tear slid from Kevin’s cheek and onto his. “I love you and I want you to get help, I want you to get better and I am going to stay by your side every step of the way, do you hear me?” 

Kevin’s voice rose in volume with every word, as if they were stepping stones and by the end of his sentence he was the closest to screaming his boyfriend had ever heard him. He was red-faced and teary-eyed and he looked frustrated, he looked so lost...and...loving. His own eyes began to burn anew and this time he could do nothing to stop the tears that spilled from him.   
“I hear you Kevin.” he said, covering his face again. It was difficult to cry in this position, it made him loud and his nose burned as if he were underwater. He supposed Kevin was a lifeguard, tossing him buoy after buoy before finally going out to sea himself, holding him above water no matter how much he trashed and flailed and threatened to sink them both.  
I love you dearly Raymond  
I won’t let you drown.

A few hours later they were in the car. The sun was setting and Annie Lennox droned on as the engine revved. 

Summertime, and the living is easy…

Raymond turned to Kevin, whose profile was determined and seemed ablaze in the red of the sky. His hair was messy, hastily hand-combed and his eyes were colored lightly from crying. Red hair, red sky, red eyes.   
They had a plan.  
Go home, sleep, and in the morning they’d go to the nearest gamblers anonymous meeting. Kevin would drive him to every meeting thereafter to ensure he wouldn’t stray. They would call his sister, his mother, and ask for their support and help. Kevin would be alerted if money was taken from their account, just for the time being. Just for now. 

“I’m sorry.” Raymond said, turning his head to look out the window as the scenery flew by in a blur of colors.   
“You have nothing to be sorry about.” Kevin replied, voice stuffed so full of love that the car is filled with it. It relaxes Raymond’s shoulders and sends him into another crying fit, inexplicably. He sobs as Kevin drives and the world waves adieu to the day, it feels like a purge. It feels like when the sun rises once more he will born anew, at least he hopes so. And what can one do but hope?

So hush little baby don’t you cry...


End file.
